Ok, it's time to build.
I've typed and typed today, and my counsellor will be on the receiving end of hundreds of angry, sad and frustrated words, but at least it's all out there. I've set the thoughts free. Some of them here, some of them to him. At least they remind that I'm not nuts, but some days are hard and need to be dealt with.
Tonight I will potter and tidy and make my flat feel like home as best I can.
I will drink wine and eat well and sleep early. I will call my best friend in Dubai (I love Skype).
Tomorrow I will go to the gym and then I'll spend the afternoon volunteering at a stand for the music organisation whose board I sit on, encouraging other adults to learn for the first time or return to music after years of absence.
I will play the fiddle and enjoy the time spent with people who like to share their music and skills. This month sees my city's annual folk and roots festival bringing people from all over the world. It is a great way to spend a dark January. The thing I love most about traditional/folk music is that it is fundamentally about people coming together, sharing their traditions and cultures, their ways and communities, and creating new ones.
My weekend is kind of backwards with volunteering tomorrow, I will need to work on Sunday (today has been a write off), and seeing one of my favourite musicians on Sunday night with visiting friends who've known me since Uni days, and another gig with newer friends on Monday. So the weekend will be quiet. At least my 'portfolio career' allows me to flex my days to fit and Monday to Friday doesn't mater so much any more.
I'll get myself back on my feet, going through the motions until it all fits again.
The days are getting longer again, and 3.30pm is no longer sunset. The light coming back, even in a small way, leads out of these dark cold months and towards better days.
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