I'm pleased to be back at work today. There is some semblance of normal returning. After a festive seasons of highs, lows and confusion the everyday is very welcome.
Dad is back in his usual dementia unit within the hospital, a place that knows and cares for him well. His two days of not waking, nearly a week of not swallowing, and consequently not eating, are past. He's as up and about as he gets. A chest infection has set in, but at least it's being takien care of. I hope it passes quickly.
My mother can only demand so much of my time when there is an office to go to. She exhausts me and irritates me. She makes it hard to love her. She makes it hard to say 'no' to her.
And then there is the musician. I want him and don't in equal measure. The thoughts of him fill too much of my head. It's almost as if he wants to be found out. We are not having an affair, but we are doing something. I just don't know what. It is an emotional betrayal. Worse perhaps than some meaningless one night stand. At least, there is little contact between the times when we find each other amongst friends. We are not spiralling, yet.
Going back to the usual routine is reassuring and distracting from all of these things. There are fewer hours in the day to ponder those questions for which I have no answer.
"Ordinary" allows us to get a perspective on things, don't you think? Without it, it's hard to know what is wrong or right, good or bad, easy or hard, fair or unfair, wanted or unwanted and so on.
ReplyDeleteI'm definitely with Kim on the musician issue but the excitement of something out of the ordinary is difficult to ignore even when you know it is going to end in trouble. No doubt there is some evolutionary wiring in the human brain that makes it so.
But thank goodness for "ordinary".