Being a single 30 something girl can be an interesting exercise at times! What I've been wondering though is if our American cousins have a much healthier attitude to the whole dating game than we Brits do?
It seems normal in the US to date more than one person at a time until a situation becomes exclusive, but the idea of doing the same here seems inappropriate and a big cultural difference. Guys don't just ask girls out as a routine thing. If we were seeing more than one person at a time, it would be slightly frowned upon. However, I think there has to be a benefit to this.
It would stop us getting to hung up on one person until we knew them better, and then a decision could be made before leaping into exclusivity. The idea of seeing multiple men would give choice, balance and perspective. I think we put too much pressure on ourselves and others, following rules that often don't make much sense but are part of the 'etiquette'. There will always be an expectation of exclusivity without even considering if that's what we want, and how many opportunuties are missed because we're less honest, forward and open to exploring the options? What can we learn from our cousins across the pond? What are the pros and cons? Is one way easier than another? I don't know.
I think it'll always be a challenge and a gamble no matter the geography.
This American didn't do it the American way, but I probably would have been better off if I did! (I just got lucky the last time!) I think that's one of the things online dating is good for -- there's more expectation of a trial period.
ReplyDeleteThings I'm trying to reinforce within myself for the job stuff seems like it might be applicable for relationships too: if you feel like you need to take it slow or think it over, do. Try not to feel pressured by society and convention or your own expectations or the evil "should's!"
Above all, check in frequently to see how YOU feel about things. You get to call the shots here, ok?
Absolutely! And I think you're right about the job stuff too,
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hi there I just bumped into your blog by accident and want to say how much I agree about men and dating. In the Uk it seems weird to see more than one man. Here in Spain it is normal - you can go out with someone without it being exclusive. You don't need to be secretive about other dates. Having said that - I am happily living with the man I met and fell in love with and I knew from the start that I wanted it to be a committed relationship! But before that, with other men, it felt liberating to be able to enjoy their company while taking time. Hope it is all working out for you. Kate
ReplyDeleteHi Kate, thanks for stoppping by. I think it is liberating, and certainly interesting. It's at least a good way of figuring out what you do or don't want, and trying a different 'type' of man,
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