Perhaps there are enough people on the planet already

I spent a lovely afternoon with around twenty friends and their kids at the 30th birthday lunch of a great friend. I love these people and I'm so pleased seeing them with husbands, partners, children, pregnant bellies - settled and happy. I was one of only two single people there. It's a club I'm not part of.


Somehow, somewhere as our lives have progressed they've succeeded in finding the people who they want to build their futures with. I haven't. I'm not unhappy but it's a strange place to be in. Marriage and kids are rites of passage and experiences I know nothing about. I can only look on from the sidelines and share glimpses of the joy their children bring to them.

Feeling a friend's tummy as her growing baby kicks is an amazing thing.

I do wonder if I want kids of my own. Ten years ago, I wouldn't have hesitated to answer that. I did want a family. Do I now? I don't know.

I have a friend who will seek out a sperm donor if she hasn't found a partner by a given age. I don't understand the strength of her longing for motherhood.

If it's something I do, it will only be as part of a committed relationship. If it doesn't happen for me, then that's ok too. There are other ways of having a wonderful life. However, I do need to think about how much it matters (or doesn't) to me.

I am 34. In a few short years I may not have the choice. Time flies when you're busy doing other things.