Tuesday, 12 May 2009


is a strange thing that sneaks up on you. Intially we resist it when we see it coming, even if we wish for it. We end up wishing it were a different kind of change. Then we forget it's happening and we go along with it. Get used to it. Forget about it, get on with living working or whatever. Then, we remember there was someting afoot a while ago, what was it? We remeber it was change and we were scared, or excited, or confused, or resistant, or optimistic, or, or, or...

Looking back at recent change is, in my current circmstances, hugely cathartic. I've come along way in the short period of a year. I'm shocked and proud of it. I've had a lot of help. Help I had to seek out because I knew I couldn't chnage my circumstances without it. But that in itself, is something I'm really proud of. Over the years I've tried to ask for help and failed. Maybe i wasn't specific enough, or too scared to actually let those around me know how I was feeling. I don't know. This time I succeeded.

Anyway, the reality of change has sneaked up on me. Crept into my life while I was busy focussing on getting through what was in front of me, day by day. Today I looked backwards with new eyes and I was proud. I have come a long way, and I have a long way to go. At least now I know I have it in me to let that change begin with me.

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